Saturday, September 08, 2007
episode: -> Yes Yes, Continue Continue. <-
I thought we had been through this before.
I thought they understood me better now.
I thought they would slowly let me take (back) control of my own life; let me become more and more independent, as I grow older.
I am EIGHTEEN going NINETEEN already, for goodness' sake!
I have been heavily over-protected by them for these eighteen years.
Their excessive over-protection caused me to tend to depend heavily on others (especially friends) for security and directions.
Because I am brought up like that.
I followed obediently wherever they wanted me to go.
My god.
I don't like myself like this at all.
I feel so suffocated at times.
Sometimes FORCED into doing things I don't like.
They kept telling me the same words everytime..
"It's for your own good. We are your parents. We won't do you harm."
My god.
Are you serious?!
While you are telling me..
"Go with your passion. Most importantly, you must be interested."
Next you are telling me..
"Study this this this better than that that that! Why you want to study that?!"
Whatever.
Then you are telling me..
"Now you are already eighteen. You should be old enough to think for yourself."
Later you are telling (more like threatening) me..
"You better study at home! Stop going out! You don't want to study then get out and find yourself a job!"
Anything.
I am NOT just a student!
I have my social life and my own privacy as well!
I have my precious friends!
I am who I am!
I am not who you want to manipulate me to be!
My god.
The 2 years in Victoria Junior College was bad enough.
Because I could not meet up to your expectations.
I was constantly suan-ed, scolded, yelled at, and threatened.
WHY?!
NOBODY said that O' Levels 7 A1s, 1 A2, 6 points; A' Levels sure 4 As, GP A1, MT A1!
While others become more and more intelligent, I become more and more stupid.
What can I do?!
I had lost my competitive fighting spirit that I used to have during secondary school.
WHAT CAN I DO?!
I also don't know what to do!
So STOP!
STOP giving me more pressure!
You think I want to NOT do well for my academic studies?!
You think I don't feel anxious and panicky at all when I totally cannot understand what the lecturers are talking about?!
I feel so exhausted.
I am so going to pretend that you are singing the next time you are going to begin nagging (or threatening) me again.
I am going to keep completely silent and ignore you and your consistent naggings and threats.
I have had ENOUGH of your nonsense and suan-ings.
They are HURTING.
NOT encouraging.
GET YOUR FACTS RIGHT BEFORE YOU SPEAK.
~ Beautiful Season ~