Sunday, February 28, 2010
episode: -> move on. <-
it is always painful to be forced to move on from a broken relationship.
when you actually still love him so very much.
when you are very willing to try and work things out again.
but he blatantly refused.
because he is the one who has changed..
.. and his feelings are now different.
i don't understand how one's love, feelings, and emotions could have changed so quickly.
unless he really have never loved me with his heart before.
it hurts bad.. thinking about this.
but there is frankly nothing i can do anymore.
i have taken the necessary steps i thought i should take to follow my heart and salvage the relationship and situation.
but he has changed.
his feelings have changed.
i have made so many moves to ask him to give me another chance, and give us another chance to start afresh.
but he has changed.
his feelings have changed.
i have even cried and begged him to not leave me over stupid misunderstandings that can be solved.
but he has changed.
his feelings have changed.
i want to move on.
but it really isn't so easy.
i don't understand why he must give us up so easily.
and even completely refused to meet or talk to me anymore.
maybe i came across as too desperate, needy, and clingy the last few days.
when my entire world appears to have collasped against me.
especially when he told me bluntly that his feelings for me have diminished.
how can feelings have changed so quickly without notice?
while i missed him bad, thought of him constantly, wanted to see him again, hoping to salvage whatever that is left of us.. etc etc.
he doesn't care or feel a thing towards me or my efforts anymore.
i am so quickly, to him, a thing of the past now.
i always remember the good times, his good traits, the good memories, and how he used to love me so so much.. etc etc.
but now, he couldn't have been less bothered.
when love changes, there is nothing the other party could do to get this love back.
because he simply lock you outside his heart.
maybe there are many factors and reasons behind all this.
but it is always worth talking things over, finding a solution, and hopefully work things out all over again.
because a true love is hard to meet and come by.
i want to move on.
and fulfil his wishes that we are impossible.
i want to move on.
and leave him as quietly as possible, just so he can leave for the States without a burden.
i really really want to move on.
but it is indeed difficult, to know that i have lost his love, so easily and quickly.
i will move on.
i will try my best to move on.
i will let him know that it is his loss that he doesn't want me anymore.
i will let him realise that it is his loss to give up on me and this relationship.
if there is anything left at all, if there is fate and destiny, we will meet each other again five years later, and rekindle the relationship.
it sounds so fairytale.. but for now, i can only think of things this way.
i took up so many tuition assignments to earn money, mainly for preparing to go to the States with him.
but everything lost its meaning now..
my heart hurts.. bad.
~ Beautiful Season ~