Wednesday, June 15, 2011
episode: -> only YOU~ <-
i wasn't being scolded.
i wasn't being humiliated.
i wasn't being blasted to HELL.
it wasn't harsh.
it wasn't nasty.
it wasn't sarcastic.
she simply told me off.
regardless the sh!t reasonings that i may have.
but it struck a cord somewhere deep within me.
i wasn't angry.
i was filled with sadness.
i was disappointed to discover that i am not even a 1% "angel".
i felt very ashamed and embarrassed of myself and my own actions.
enough said.
maybe this is the correct answer as to why..
.. "WHY" i am who, what, and how i became who i am like now.
i highly suspect that i am actually an extremely selfish / self-centred person now.
(or maybe it should not even be "highly suspect", but "confirmatory")
i only thought of myself, thought that things will work out this way, thought that everything will be fine this way.. etc etc.
(yes, it is only about me and my thoughts)
when it is not, clearly not, obviously not.
i forgot to think of others, think of how others may think, think of how others may feel, think of how others may have other urgent intended business to attend to.. etc etc.
my actions are simply..
.. selfish.
.. inappropriate.
.. irresponsible.
it is no wonder my boy is crazily, fiercely, and furiously MAD at me.
i guess this should not have come as a surprise to me.
since my boy was already angry about some similar issues along this line just a few days ago.
quoting my boy: "it is not always about you.. why must it always be about you?"
you're right.
nothing is about me.
i need to feel more comfy opening my mouth to ask / say / inform / update others around me more regularly.
especially when i am dependent on them for a ride back to.. simply put, anywhere.
~ Beautiful Season ~