Thursday, July 09, 2015
episode: -> Friends? <-
Have not been blogging for such a long time.
Does not have anything mind-bogging enough to blog about / rant out here.. I suppose.
That's not true, alright.. -_-"
Maybe I just never felt the need to be "shouting" out here.
I've had a knot residing somewhere deep inside my heart, along with many other knots, both big and small.
These knots do not disappear / go away by themselves, but with time, eventually become permanent scars / precious lessons learnt (self-closure).
I used to have a small group of close-knitted singing friends.
Only the four (4) of us.
Oops, sorry, "friends" are what
I thought we are.
Silly me is wrong to use this term loosely.
Classmates then?
More factually correct.
OK, anyways, there was a period of time that we became quite close.
Or so
I thought / assumed.
Life is never a bed of roses and things somewhat, changed..
Although I never knew what exactly happened or what went wrong..?
Yes, yes, stupid and silly me..
How can I not have spotted / observed anything, right..?
The truth is, I really
do not know.
I never did figure out what happened.
I was sad, perplexed, angry and a fury of mixed and negative emotions washed over me.
These friends changed along the way, but only I remained the foolish one.
Oblivious? Agreed.
Sincerity? I definitely had that, together with respect and admiration.
I wanted to stay friends with them.
Hey, we are a class right?
We took singing classes together and encouraged each other along the way?
Sorry, these are all merely my own perceptions.
I deceived myself and let myself live in a big fat lie.
When the singing classes fell apart and everyone began going their own separate ways, only my last friend and I tried to pull things back together.
This was met with.. Silence.
Uh wells, that was a year ago.
I was outcast-ed, ostracised and people think I am.. W-E-I-R-D.
Wow! I never knew I was behaving weirdly.
Misunderstood? Definitely.
Did they bother? Of course not.
Just take the fastest route out? OBVIOUSLY!
Weird people deserved to be avoided at all cost!
Worst is, we began as "friends" and resulted in such an ending.
If you know me, I am usually tending more on the optimistic side.
When things began developing in a "strange" way, which because I did not know any better..
I brushed it aside and thought I was just over-thinking things.
I mean, we are friends, right?
I guess not.
Little did I know, people look at me and think to themselves:
"She's weird. She's desperate. She's interested in me?" etc.
I am just being warm and friendly because I like all of you guys a lot
as friends.
I looked up to you guys because you have music background and is talented in singing or whatever cr@p you are good at.
This does NOT give you the right to look down on others and start spreading / speculating rumours among yourselves about me.
(Yes, I am the weakest link and have ZERO music background.)
Why do you need to overthink things and make things go all complicated?
Can't we just be friends, simple?
I swear I definitely did NOT stalk you, follow you, stare at you dreamily or whatever else bullsh!t.
Aren't you being a little too confident in yourselves and your whatever "talents"?
You're NOTHING with no character.
So much for being "friends".
My foot.
One knot untied.
You definitely do NOT deserve a place in my heart.
You belong to my sh!t.
~ Beautiful Season ~